Couples Counselling
Couples counselling can be a scary option to consider. It can be an uncomfortable thought to sit in a room with a stranger and discuss your relationship and personal life, possibly leaving you feeling vulnerable and defensive. However, if you are considering couples counselling, you will be making that first step in moving forward to a clearer more focused view of your relationship, developing communication techniques which will become helpful for every walk of life and spending time reconnecting as a couple.
Whether you are seeking couples counselling because of frequent or recurring arguments, have stopped talking altogether, you want to give it one more shot for the children or you are at the start of your commitment to each other and want to ensure you are both singing from the same song sheet - couples counselling can benefit you in creating a healthier way forward, whether you choose to stay together or not by the end of the sessions.
The type of couples counselling I offer is a Solution Focused Therapy. This means we will be focusing not on the problem, as normally whatever the problem is has become a sticking point for the relationship, but on the solution, examining different areas within the relationship and working on moving forward within the relationship. As a couples counsellor my client is the relationship, I will therefore be focusing on the relationship - using Solution Focused Therapy with couples, I contract with the the couple, a positive and realistic framework for what will happen during the therapeutic process.
Men and women can be very different in there outlook on a relationhsip - men tend not to verbalise issues, possibly looking inwards at problem solving, trying to work out how to fix the problems in some way. Women are more verbal and may chat to others, gathering opinions and developing understanding of her side to whats going on. This can lead to one individual thinking their partner does’nt care as they’re not talking or another individual thinking their partner is talking about them behind their backs - causing conflicts. Individuals might also have different ‘languages’ within their relationships, which might not be fully understood by their partner - this can affect how individuals perceive and interpret each others communications and behaviours.
Throughout couples counselling different areas of the relationship will be explored and developed further, as well as looking at where the relationship is presently. Communication for example is a core foundational component of couples counselling. Memory and perception also play a part in how we communicate within a relationship as we can all have different views on events and conversations. The history of your relationship will be explored as well as how your own past experiences of marriage and relationships may have impacted and influenced you today.
What couples should have discussed and debated when they first met, started dating and fell in love will be explored, such as money, roles, children, family and friends, work, lifestyle, health and technology use. It can be liberating to have these discussions which may never have been considered and just assumed. It can also be very useful to fully explore and understand the differences in men and womens biology and the impact this can have on relationships. Recognising that there are fundamental differences can help stop misundersatndings and resentments from building up.
Different techniques and strategies are brought in to the session to encourage thought, understanding, development and growth within the relationship. When coming for couples counselling it is important to have an open and positive mind set - I always like to clarify that I am not responsible for and cannot guarantee mending a broken relationship, that is the couples responsibility.
When asked “How many sessions will it take?” the answer can be “How long is a peice of string?” Couples counselling involves retraining some of the ingrained patterns of behaviour, beliefs and learned behaviours. The counselling will involve commitment and making the relationship a priority outside of the sessions, carrying out psychoeducation and exercises which will then need discussing within sessions. The work effort outside of the sessions is what will help you get the positive results at the end - a happier and healthier relationship. Contact me for more information.